Four years ago little did I realize that such a quotidian question as “Do you like classical music?” wold my life forever change. I was staring into the abyss my life was at the time only to find my own fears staring right back. It’s hard to imagine where Id’ be right now if those words were not sent. Would I be drifting through the dross my life was back then? Would I be completely removed from the world, ignorant of my own demise?
Four years ago my heart was a cold as a the desert floor in mid November. Tired, beaten and hopeless with no desire to ever feel loved again. Would my heart be as closed off (or worse) to any attempt at love and companionship if that question had not been asked? Would I continue living in fear, fending off any potential suitor?
Four years ago faith was keeping me alive. The hope that someday this dread would be over. This fear of being vulnerable would be overcome with joy and gratitude. That someday not far long a woman would come along, not to pick up the pieces (the Holy Spirit was taking care of that) but to treasure what has been restored – nurture and grow what God in His mercy had rebuilt, re-energized and made anew. Faith is what brought me to her. In faith is where I found the strength to try again, to open up, to love, to cherish, to fall in love.
Now I stand tall, thankful that she said “yes.” I don’t know what my life would be if she said “no.” All I know is that I am loved like I have never been loved before and my heart is bursting because of it. She is the light that brings me forth. She’s my answered prayer. She’s the one God set aside for me.